Magdalene

The work I've been doing lately in my studio art classes has been full of images of devotion. I wasn't really intending it to become such a devotional series, but it developed into that. In acrylic painting class, I painted a cubist depiction of Mary Magdalene in the desert (based roughly off the portrait of Donatello's wooden sculpture of the same subject). I was so incredibly drawn to the sorrow in her eyes and expression. My painting reflects that, I believe. In my inner soul, I loved her sorrow because it reminded me of my own. A soft, subtle sadness that blooms with a strange beauty when subjected to pressure. It's not a portrait of agony. It's a self portrait, in the sense of the heart. I didn't realize that what I had been painting was a reflection of my heart; in truth, I wasn't even sure why I felt compelled to paint her.

When I became Christian, I identified myself with Mary Magdalene bathing Christ's feet with tears. I realized my shortcomings and could do nothing but cry and offer up any service I had, meager as it was - and is.

It's difficult to write this and show a piece of artwork that cuts to such a deep part and pain of myself. One of my professors said once that any portrait depicted by an artist is a self-portrait. That holds true for this painting. The first impression it makes on people is sorrow. I am compelled to say that is the same for my heart in this place. I'm not entirely sure why, and I don't think it's a bad sorrow.

I'm suddenly reminded of a character from J.R.R. Tolkien's Silmarillion. Nienna, one of the Queens of the Valar, was written as one who dwelt alone and wept. Her name actually means "She Who Weeps." She wept for the suffering of the newly-born world, and taught others (such as Gandalf) pity and patience. She rarely went into the city of gladness, but spent her time in the Halls of Waiting, comforting the spirits of Elves and Men who were waiting their fate.

There's something to both Mary Magdalene's sorrow and the continual weeping of Nienna. I'm not quite sure what it is exactly, and I'm not entirely positive I have the temperament for such a beautiful sorrow. I would like to have it, though.

Quotes I didn't want to lose

Do you not know that we are planning a wedding feast? Have you forgotten that, Churches of North America? You are wedding planners! What wedding would lack music, art, poetry, dance or delectable foods? Start preparing, begin to breath in the aroma of grace; we need the best artists, poets, dancers, musicians and architects. Become an artist of the Kingdom, preparing for the Feast of grace.

-Makoto Fujimura

Since the invisible One became visible by taking on flesh, you can fashion the image of him who you saw…I do not worship matter; I worship the Creator of matter who became matter for my sake, who willed to take his abode in matter, who worked out my salvation through matter.

-John of Damascus

Statement of Purpose

The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. -The Westminster Catechism

Today, I've been pondering my purpose as an artist. Why do I feel the urge to create? How can I adequately express this to others? If I were asked to state my purpose as an artist, how could I succinctly state my passionate life endeavor?

I started off by reading and wondering over different artist's statements. Some artists might say their work reflects their desire for social justice. Others would say they make art to illustrate the dichotomy of this or that in our society. Others state their work is merely a study of light and reflection, or something along those lines. While these are all valid (I suppose), I couldn't force myself to pin my work to one category. So I began searching for an over-arching theme not only in my artwork, but in my life.

The main item that urges me to create is the Lord of inspiration: God. So I then turned to the teachings of Christianity for an answer, since I believe myself to be a Christian before I would profess to be an artist.

I wrote out my purpose to be: "to spread the gospel of Love -- of Christ".

I realized underlying themes that strike me as central to my main purpose (though not as supreme as my purpose), so I began a flowchart that categorized my desires as an artist. Underneath my purpose, I wrote "to be a catalyst of change in today's society".

As I continued my day working in the studio, I began to slowly form a deeper, broader sense of my purpose. Spreading the gospel is a strong part of this new statement; however, standing by itself, it failed to portray the ultimate sense of existence I hold in my heart.

After much deliberation (and much more to come, I suspect), I have come to the conclusion that my chief end is "to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."

When I stand on stage in church on Sundays, the way I've most felt the Spirit move through my painting is by realizing that the act of creation is an act of devotion to God as creator. Just as He painted the sky with a laugh and a flourish of his brush, so I attempt to paint my color-poor landscapes with the same laugh and flourish. Through creating, I glorify God and enjoy Him. Through this, I can feed the spiritually starving; I can spread the gospel of Christ just as much as a sidewalk evangelist. Through this, people can be healed physically and spiritually.

I'm still learning what it's like to be a sacred artist. I feel like I'm just learning how to maybe walk...well, maybe crawling right now. At least now I have a purpose I can look back at and re-orient myself whenever I get overwhelmed with the artworld or theology.