Magdalene

The work I've been doing lately in my studio art classes has been full of images of devotion. I wasn't really intending it to become such a devotional series, but it developed into that. In acrylic painting class, I painted a cubist depiction of Mary Magdalene in the desert (based roughly off the portrait of Donatello's wooden sculpture of the same subject). I was so incredibly drawn to the sorrow in her eyes and expression. My painting reflects that, I believe. In my inner soul, I loved her sorrow because it reminded me of my own. A soft, subtle sadness that blooms with a strange beauty when subjected to pressure. It's not a portrait of agony. It's a self portrait, in the sense of the heart. I didn't realize that what I had been painting was a reflection of my heart; in truth, I wasn't even sure why I felt compelled to paint her.

When I became Christian, I identified myself with Mary Magdalene bathing Christ's feet with tears. I realized my shortcomings and could do nothing but cry and offer up any service I had, meager as it was - and is.

It's difficult to write this and show a piece of artwork that cuts to such a deep part and pain of myself. One of my professors said once that any portrait depicted by an artist is a self-portrait. That holds true for this painting. The first impression it makes on people is sorrow. I am compelled to say that is the same for my heart in this place. I'm not entirely sure why, and I don't think it's a bad sorrow.

I'm suddenly reminded of a character from J.R.R. Tolkien's Silmarillion. Nienna, one of the Queens of the Valar, was written as one who dwelt alone and wept. Her name actually means "She Who Weeps." She wept for the suffering of the newly-born world, and taught others (such as Gandalf) pity and patience. She rarely went into the city of gladness, but spent her time in the Halls of Waiting, comforting the spirits of Elves and Men who were waiting their fate.

There's something to both Mary Magdalene's sorrow and the continual weeping of Nienna. I'm not quite sure what it is exactly, and I'm not entirely positive I have the temperament for such a beautiful sorrow. I would like to have it, though.

Quotes I didn't want to lose

Do you not know that we are planning a wedding feast? Have you forgotten that, Churches of North America? You are wedding planners! What wedding would lack music, art, poetry, dance or delectable foods? Start preparing, begin to breath in the aroma of grace; we need the best artists, poets, dancers, musicians and architects. Become an artist of the Kingdom, preparing for the Feast of grace.

-Makoto Fujimura

Since the invisible One became visible by taking on flesh, you can fashion the image of him who you saw…I do not worship matter; I worship the Creator of matter who became matter for my sake, who willed to take his abode in matter, who worked out my salvation through matter.

-John of Damascus